Sex and emotions.

Sex and emotions.

Do they fit together? Some say no others say yes. Heres my point of view as you all know I love to give.

For me its always been both together. I cant have sex with someone and not have emotions involved, I don’t sleep around and I have no idea how people do that. I mean whats up with meeting someone in a bar and taking them home for a one night stand?? Ive never done that and I never will.

I can be a very emotional person, I kind of like that about me. I care about others and usually put them before myself and that even extends to the bedroom.  Recently I found closure that has let me open my heart back up again and its scary for me but its also a huge relief. I can now move on and let myself fall again, and I think I am.

Some of the guys ive talked to say that they are separate and that sex is just sex and that no emotions need be involved…I don’t buy that but im also the one who has never had a one night stand or had a friend with benefits merely for the sake of having someone around for sex. Maybe this is TMI but if I want sex or have an urge im no saint and know how to deal with it myself without a man around.   

I think females are more emotional and that we need the connection during sex with the emotions and all of that good gushy stuff. Nothing wrong with that if it’s what makes us tick. I know im not ashamed of it and  I don’t ever see me changing my ways this late in life.

So im curious, what are your thoughts on this topic??? Please chime in im curious. 

random

 i love to game and i love WoW and im wanting to learn Pathfinder as well. i guess im kind of a boring person. i dont see myself as intelligent infact i see myself as pretty dumb on many things. i can do things but i do know one thing right now i miss my Daddy. i know he has other things to do besides dealing with me but today i kind of need him. Dealing with my ex is really taxing on me and im glad that i think ive made the last contact ever with him, making life hopefully less stressful and much simpler.

daddy is a whole different topic but hes good to me for the most part and the things in which we arent clicking at are just a matter of getting to know each other.

Hell, even my dog likes him and that normally doesnt happen, Bones is pretty picky when it comes to meeting people and liking them.

i spent much of my day knitting and watching movies when i wasnt freaking out. Thank goodness i have family who helped me through it all and i feel soo much better now.

my point of view on casual sex.

I was given an interesting topic today by a friend...casual sex. Something i dont do and have a good opinion of.

ive never met someone and just had casual sex. i find it meaningless and degrading. Now im not saying ive never stepped backwards and slept with an ex after a break up but i also thought it would end in us getting back together not like it usually does in me still being alone.

i think if i had to chose between casual sex or going without i will go without hands down each time.

i hear of people going to clubs, bars and parties just to hook up for sex and so many times it ends in STDs pregnancy or broken hearts. i just cant do that. i was raped when i was 20 and thats why i have a daughter and i cant imagine with how guilty i already feel if i had met him at a bar or something, instead he was supposedly a friend of a friends cousin who was too drunk to drive and i was helping the fucker get home safely. i should have let him walk, and if ever faced with that decision again the man will walk.

As for the whole man vs. woman thing on casual sex i really think its equal and that both sexes do the same things looking for the same results except maybe the girls are looking for a relationship a bit more.  That is those who arent already married and having affairs.

i will continue to stick it out and wait around for the right one and enjoy life on my own until what i want is found. No casual sex for this chic.

Hit or miss

Writing for me lately has been hit or miss, i have been writing more in my personal journal and working on other things but its time to get back into the swing of things. i love writing and need to do it more often, sometimes it just doesn't happen.

What does anyone think of the news lately, personally i think its really messed up...are we starting to face the beginning of the zombie apocalypse?? i mean people are eating others faces off, eating their babies brains and a guy in Mexico eating his roommate.  All coincidences??? Maybe, who knows, i guess time will tell.

Fibromyalgia is an evil disease, ive been dealing with it being moderately acting up, being that im able to get out of bed i wouldnt say its severe but its not far from it. No one understands its grasp it can have on a person. ive came to the point of cutting out gluten, potatoes, tomatoes and slowly trying to cut out meat as well. im hoping these changes help, oh and cutting out caffeine as well, which completely sucks but hey, if i need to i need to. i just need to get healthier.

im starting to accept me as me again, even if others dont agree with me, its who i am. Love me or leave me, its their choice.  With a few recent things im truly realizing the only ways i can function and what makes me tick. Control, or i should say handing control over to someone else is how i function best. i do not function on my own, i dont know how to and even if i wanted to i dont feel i could, the world is a cold evil place where a free woman faces danger at each and every turn of her life. i dont like the thought of things that could happen, or the risks that i take when i dont have someone calling the shots for me. Not that at times i dont feel guilty for being who i am but just as a cat cant change into a bunny, this slave cannot turn into a free woman, its not possible,i struggle, mess up, cant control anything, not even my health. Yet on the flip side i do not see myself as weak by any means as i know my place in society and im not afraid to admit it to anyone.

i feel each and every person on the face of this earth deserves to be happy no matter what that means to them or what it takes to get them there. For some this can be personal relationships, religion or even what an individual chooses to be their moral values.

Live life to its fullest, tomorrow is not a promise.

Wow am i in pain

 im seriously hurting right now. If it wasnt 3 am i would probably want to go the emergency room. i havent been eating out much and today/yesterday, whatever you want to call it as im still awake so its still today for me, anyway i had McDonalds for lunch and Pizza for dinner, now my best move. im supposed to cut tomatoes, potatoes and gluten from my diet and i had bunches of all of that. Everything from my neck down is aching like mad. i took tylenol and motrin and its not touching it. i feel like im going to throw up from the pain.

So..this is only proof that these things do affect me and in a more major way than i had thought. Of course i did have them in more than usual quantities for me today and im sure that that along with any preservatives, grease and just the general too many carbs didnt help either. Heres the thing, i was already about to break my cane out   again as im still hurting from grooming the dogs 4 days ago and now this.

i get soo frustrated as i was just thinking tonight about chancing my odds and trying to go to school or even find something i could do as far as work and then this settles in. Others have no clue how i feel about anything right now. This pain makes me feel worthless and useless and no one understands that while they cannot see my pain or see that i am disabled that i am. im not joking around, i have all the documents to prove it. im not proud of it by any means but its real and there is nothing i can do to make it go away. Even if i were to get the spinal injections my stenosis would not go away, nor would my fibromyalgia, PTSD, or degenerative disc disease. People laugh and tell me well i have that too and it doesnt bother me... try having these things combined, not just one or two but try three major things with my back...im seriously lucky to be doing as well as i am being able to get out of bed every day.

Yes, life fucking sucks. im sitting here in tears from the pain and am on the verge of an anxiety attack due to the severity of it all...some days i just wish i could walk in front of a bus and have it all end.

Barely treading water

 Today sucked!!!, i had counseling again today and all i can do is sit there and cry. The worst part is that i figured something out. i come from a very non physical family, no hugs, no telling eachother that they love you and even though ive distanced myself from them , or well most of them anyway that doesnt mean that i dont still want them around.

 i got very dependent on physical touch, even if it was just at night while sleeping at times. im a huggy person and its been months since ive actually had a hug and i think im going through withdrawl from it if that makes sense. The only affection i get is when im hanging out with my dogs...sad isnt it...

Cant sleep

 i tried to get some sleep a few hours ago, i just laid there. Even the melatonin didnt do a thing, so im up and not sure what im going to do now.

 Life has been an adventure lately to say the least. i am getting more done but i still dont feel productive, in fact im hurting like hell, my fibro is kicking up in the worst of ways and im having trouble even standing and while trying to sleep i was having chest pains again...i know its only the fibro so no cause for alarm but still its uncomfortable.

 Change and me do not do well together, in fact change scares the hell out of me... im getting ready to make some changes in my life and while i know its the right thing to do and im trying to roll with it i feel myself buckling under and wanting to fight it at every step of the way. This is just how i react to it, its nothing new but i never welcome this feeling either.