If i died tomorrow

This article http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/28/my-faith-what-people-talk-about-before-they-die/ got me thinking. What would i say if i were to be on my deathbed tomorrow?

i believe in reincarnation so at this point of my life id be pretty screwed and damned to be a tree, in my theory that's the worst punishment one can get. To have to stand in one place for hundreds of years, having to stand through anything the atmosphere throws at you and not being able to defend yourself against it.

i already know that i would have very few there with me, i wouldn't want people there i cant think of one person who i would want there with me, i wouldn't want a Chaplin and maybe there is a friend or two that i may be okay with being there for me to tell them good bye but i would want nothing drug out.

Those i would want there are not human, silly enough id want my dogs. They have been to hell and back with me and never left my side. They are the only ones who have shown me any loyalty in this life. They are the only ones i would feel guilty for leaving, they need me as i need them. i dont know that anyone could care for them as i do and that scares me.

i dont have much i would want to say to anyone, maybe apologize to a few people, but then again deathbed apologies are empty thoughts. i have many that i dont talk to and would request they NOT be let around me, i dont care if they are family, i washed my hands of them years ago and since they are not in my life why would i want them during my death.

Many dont realize this and i dont talk about it a lot but i have cystic breast disease. There is a possibility of me ending up with breast cancer in the future because of it and the thing is, im okay with that.  No, im not suicidal, but sometimes this lifetime has given me enough to just want it over. Thats why i will not ever seek treatment if i do get cancer. ive watched too many suffer because of the treatments and not live...that is not how i will spend my ending days.

im not afraid of death, in fact its almost a welcoming thought. Being able to start over and create a new existence and build a better life.