*** Disclaimer this may offend some, so if your easily offended dont read this!!!***
Well, it’s the beginning of a new month and as such im going to try and make a few changes and make them stick!!!
What are these changes?? First off im going to get back into doing yoga again. I have to do something, my body is aching and too fatigued and while I cant stop that part and no one understands that this is not how I want to be at all as its not what im used to
Ok, off on a fucking rant…I have some MAJOR health issues, come on at me people, tell me how lazy I am that I don’t work and ill simply ask you how you would feel if you woke up and went to bed with every minute of your day being in pain that’s a level 7 or above!!!! YOU try not to be exhausted to the point of not being able to move from it!!!
My mood is rapid cycling right now and my depression has to where I really wonder if a few days in the hospital wouldn’t do me some good as I could get back on my meds like I need to be. Whats holding me back from going??? Simply my crew, Bones, Murphy and Zoe. I cant function without them and I cant take them with me. I know they would be safe at home and not neglected , that’s not my issue, I feel secure in knowing that should I not be around for whatever reason that they are completely safe.
Me and Zoe have been getting closer, not that she hasn’t been attached to me anyway but im getting to where if I see her alone sleeping or trying to get comfortable I feel guilty and I go pick her up and hold her. Yes, im a fucking sap and I know it. But im only a sap when it comes to them, otherwise im starting to turn into a cold hearted bitch again and that’s not good…I lived that way for years and only came out of it for the ex…big fucking mistake.
Oh, yeah I know you don’t see me cuss a lot but im just fed up with being all politically correct and sometimes a gal just has to let loose and get it all out and this is my time for that.
And don’t take this the wrong way…im NOT suicidal or thinking of doing anything stupid, I do have things to live for…I just have times when I wish my attempt last year would have been successful…Do you have any idea how much of a fuck up I feel like that I couldn’t even do that right??? Of course if you want to get down to the nitty gritty on that subject ive since learned that I wasn’t so much trying to take my life as I was trying to get demons out of my head that were there at the time. I know that idea is hard to swallow but so can be all the other religious bull shit that we get fed everyday. Hell, I don’t remember a day where I don’t see something religious on TV, online or read it in a book…Whats up with this country. We are supposed to have a freedom of religion here yet if my religion isn’t Christian, and heres a clue it isn’t, then society doesn’t accept you and damns you to hell…well I think we are already in hell to be honest.
Oh and this Mayan calendar shit…what a joke. Who actually thinks that all of a sudden the world will just end because a calendar stopped??? Complete bullshit!!!
Okay, that’s my rant for today…I actually have a dentist appointment this morning that im totally dreading but it could be worse…like tomorrow when I get to see a new counselor…that should be fun!!! Im sure after talking to me they may want to change professions… I think that’s why I always get switched around to different counselors so much…Oh well, their issue not mine. If they cant handle me they need to move on as they cant help me that way whatsoever.
Later folks…and remember til next time
SUNSHINE SMILES AND MIDDLE FINGERS UP!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment